Searching for a reason
by vivelaine
Summary: As a vampire, you get used to waiting, but you never get used to the heart ache that comes with it.what if Edward had a Fiance before he died? What if she was changed but didn't know he was? what happens when she finds him again, but he has Bella? She sticks around to witness the birth of Bella and Edwards hybrid child, but then Garrett comes along. Garrett/oc/Edward
1. Intro

I don't think I'll ever get used to it, the wind flying through my silky white hair, yes white. The leaves and branches brushing past my face as I run a speeds unimaginable. Birds and small creatures dashing away to avoid the unstoppable mass of stone disguised as beauty. I'm not sure where I'm going, just trying to get away from the Volturi. They've been hunting me since I last visited them, or first visited them. It was the same day, you could say I made them a little... angry. then again, it's not that hard to do so. But, not only am I running from the italian pains in my ass, I'm also escaping a fate worse than anything they could do to me. I won't get into that now, because I have my reasons.

Why don't we start when it all began; 1918 in the middle of a hospital next to my dying fiancé.

He had the Spanish Influenza.

_It seemed like the end of my life, the worst day ever. The love of my life was fading quickly, and Cullen had informed me that he was doing all in his power to save him. If only I'd known. The news came the next day, While I was making breakfast to bring to the hospital a sharp knock sounded at my door. It held an urgency that made my knees shake, something was wrong. I took the apron off and made my way to the wooden door, creaking it open just so much that I could see out. The weather was gloomy and the sun hid behind grey clouds, rain just drizzling at the moment. _

_ stood, shoulders hunched and a pitying look on his face. I remember gasping quietly and slamming the door only to fall to my knees in sobs after the words came out of his mouth. Tears streaked down my face and I screamed in anguish. Despair hit me like a boulder and My breath was coming in shaky breaths. The rain outside began to pur down, wind speeds picked up and thunder crashed every ten seconds. I heard the tree just outside my house fall before it crashed down, destroying all the work we had put into the house that represented the life we would have together. _

_My anger mixed with the pure sadness from losing my love sent me off. My hands tangled into my hair, it was a golden blonde back then, and a deafening scream escaped my lips. I packed all I could into the trunk I was to use on our honey moon, our honey moon that was never going to happen. Lightning lit the sky behind me as I ran out-of-town, passing surprised and confused looking families. I remember passing the Dr.'s house and feeling my brain go into override, he hadn't tried hard enough! A strong gust of wind shook the home and I heard a loud crash. satisfied with what had happened, I walked, more calmly, into the woods. If I couldn't have my fiancé back, then I would have no one. I didn't need anyone but him, and he was dead. My Edward was dead. _

_I searched the dark and empty forest for a few hours before finding and old shack, rumored to be haunted, and I busted the door open. For two years I lived there. All alone, only venturing into a ton to get the food I would need to survive. It was a week into winter and my body was torn with sickness, I had no more money and my food supply had run out. No one knew where I was, so that meant no one would be able to help me. I was more alone than ever, but I wanted to die. To let the end wash over me and then I could be with Edward again. Fate had different plans, however, because soon after I fell ill I had two very unwanted visitors. _

_They came late in the day when the sun was no longer up, everything was quite and eerie. I wasn't expecting anyone to find me so when two oddly beautiful men stormed into my home with an_

_unmachtable speed and force I was taken by surprise. they both stood at an impressive hight and seemed as if they were born with muscles. Both of their eyes were a startling red color and the only feeling I got was fear. The one to the left gave a deadly smirk in my direction, flashing one sharpened tooth and snarled. his honey brown hair reminded me of Edwards own bronze, but the rest of him screamed danger. The one to the right looked a bit less... frightening,but more handsome. His jaw was chiseled and his black locks fell to his shoulders. _

"_We've been searching for you for a while, your scent is.. captivating" the charming one poke, his voice sounded like warmth but I knew he was far from it. Honestly It was obvious what they were. The remarkable beauty, and the red eyes. Not to mention the fangs. I yearned for death, and when the opportunity presented itself, I took it. Not wanting to waste time I simply tilted my neck and moved my hair from blocking my neck._

_"Just, make it fast" My voice sounded as tired as I truly was. Confusion fell upon their faces but they didnt question my actions, they simply pounced. literally. One minute i was standing there waiting for death, and the next everything was black. The only thing I could do was sit there in the nothingness. soon a burning pain began to fill my body. _

_starting with my fingertips it slowly took over my entire pain lasted for what felt like forever, and then there was nothing. A numbness spread over me and everything seemed to dull in comparison with this feeling. I felt alive, bt there was no heart beat. I could hear everything, from the bugs crawling about on the floor, to the forest creatures in pursuit of one another. My eyes snapped open and for a second all I saw was white. My eyes adjusted to the sun light and focused on, well, everything. I could see every grain of wood in the cabin. Every particle of dust in the air. And then I smelled it. It was like everything I had ever wanted bundled into one package. My instincts took over and I began to run at a speed I didnt know was possible, untill I came upon a clearing filled with a heard of dear. I focused on the biggest buck I could find and in a matter of seconds I was on top of it, draining every ounce of its blood with razor sharp fangs that had descended from my gums. _

That was the day I was turned, the day I first fed off of animals, and the day I figured out what I had become.

A monster.

I lived my years out in seclusion, moving from state to state avoiding any and all people who I could. For fifty years I stayed hidden, but I got lonely. I began to crave the attention and comfort from another human bein, though I as no longer human. I had no desire of finding another love, for Edward was the only one, but I needed a companion. From then on I would go into towns, searching for those of my kind. I found many, some good and some bad. Eventually I ran into the two that had turned me and let me anger explode. That was the day I discovered my powers, the day my hair changed to white

_The clouds were grey and depressing, no one was out and the streets were dark. A bird chirped every once and a while but other than that it was silent. shivers went up my un-dead spine as two somewhat familiar scents hit my senses. I felt as if I knew them from somewhere. The gloomy light shining from behind the clouds made my skin glow a bit abnormal, but not so much that someone would be able to tell. Off to my left there was a seemingly abandoned bar, but there were two loud voices suddenly made themselves know. One was rough and low, the other was smooth and bell-like. The same bell-like voice I heard just before the burning. It was_ them._ The ones that turned me. If it weren't for them, I could have been with Edward. They took away my only chance to be happy again. THEY WOULDN'T LET ME DIE. I felt rage fill my now golden eyes and the wind around me sped up, leaves and papers where blowing all over the place and my blonde hair swirled around my head in a flurry of motions. I slowly stepped up the rotting steps and slammed the door into the inside wall. Both of the men's heads snapped in my direction, but I could barely tell because all I saw was red. I almost tried to calm myself down before being reminded of the fact that they turned me into.. into this. I heard the wind pick up even more as the men made sounds of recognition. the old bar smelled strongly of alcohol and dust, not a very good combination. The familiar scent burned into my memory as I charged towards them, my anger causing me to act without thought. I don't remember much of anything after that, only the loud screams and bittersweet smell of burning vampire. My mind was put at rest, My anger bottled itself back up. And, as I exited the old bar I noticed something strange. The entire ghost town was destroyed, it looked as if a tornado caused havoc all over the place. as I took my time walking out of the town, observing the damage, I realised it was me. Flashes of the night I found out Edward had passed away of the Spanish Influenza, and the cold rainy weather that followed. Not only was I a monster that sucked the blood of my innocent victims, but now if I ever get upset I could destroy towns, houses, and lives._

After that night I distanced myself from people again, I made sure nobody would suffer by my hands again. I moved from place to place for many years, witnessing the changes in society and saving money any way I could. My attitude as the shy, in-love, house wife began to transform into an independent woman who doesn't take shit from anyone. It was all going fine, untill I moved to the 'sunny' town of Forks washington


	2. Moving to forks and finding my past

Hey, I would like to apologize for the late update, My computer was down :/ A big thanks to xenocanaan and stephanie101 for reviewing! yay!

I don"t own anything to do with twilight.. except my oc.

who do you guys thing she should end up with?

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"Attention passengers" A nasle voice sounded loudly over the P.A system of the crowded plane, taking me out of my memories. "We will be landing in five minutes, if you would please buckle your seatbelts and stay seated" my eyes rolled to the back of my head as the annoying voice came from the overly happy flight attendant. I was already having trouble due to the smell of so many humans and the musty odor comeong from the seats worn out material. Planes are really disgusting. Even though I had taken the precautions of buying a first class ticket so I wouldnt be surrounded by walking bags of my food, I still had to keep from draining everyone. I grabbed the metal buckle and clipped it together just as another attendant starting making her way towards me. Her bright blonde ponytail swinging behind her as she brushed by the blue and yellow seats. I could barely get her scent becaue of how much perfume she was wearing and her makeup was caked on like crazy. I have to admit I was slightly jealous because of her hair, the beautiful and rich color that was close to what mine used to be. However, I definately was not jealous of her brains, as she stopped at each persons seat and flashed a 'charming' smile,it seems normal enough but when she stoppednear any man who was handsom or looked important she would bend down just a little too much. When she finaly got to me I was having trouble holding in the laughter, I could imagine how strange it looked from her point of view.

"Hello ma'am, would you like a beverage?" her voice was very smooth and had a southern twang to it, but her smile seemed fake as she looked me up and down making a face at my torn skinny jeans and black leather jacket. I tightend my grip on the arm rests and replied as politley as I could

"No,"

Her brow scrunched and her brown eyes glared at me for a minute before she walked away muttering something about rude people. It's not that I jhave anger issues, but I had to fight the urge to break my vegetarian diet and drain her on the spot. When the plaine finally landed I took a deep breath and waited untill most of the passengers were off before gracefully gathering my stuff and walking towards the exit. The superficial blonde was waiting there to greet the next set of passengers, so as I walked by I 'accidentally' bumped in to her causing her papers to fly everywhere. The rest of the airport was suprisingly full for such a small town and I had trouble getting to baggage, I couldnt use my speed around humans because.. well, yeah. It was about thirty minutes later when I spotted the sleek black suitcases, rushin forward I grabbed them and as fast as I could I got away from all the people, I have controll but it was pushing it. I had already had my car shipped here, a black mustang, my baby... dont judge. The air outside was cold and the many clouds covered the sun, perfect living conditions for someone like myself. The bags fit perfectly in the back seat and I slipped into the drivers side feeling more at home. The leather seats were warm and the new car smell was still there. I took an unnessesary breath of air and then backed out of the parking space. the garage was like a freaking maze and it took me ten minutes just to find the I was finally on the road I began to relax and enjoy the ride, the view was particulary wonderful. the beautiful forest filled with all sorts of colors and the trees were just starting to fall off. There was barely any traffic and I got to my new house quickly, it was on a small dirt road with no one around for miles, I needed privacy and seclusion if I wanted to stay here. The house was average size, two story with two bedroms and two batherooms. the driveway was made of gravle that made a crunching noise as my car drove over it. I always try not to go for the extravagant houses because it brings to much attention to myself.

The outside of the house was painted a nice blue with white shudders on the few windows. There was a small porch, but it was barely a porch, just enough room for one persom to stand on without feeling crowded. The door was black, and it looked freshly painted. I took a moment to study my surroundings, a rather large field that was almost completely surrounded by forest, the field was bare excluding my house and the tall grass growing it it. I loved it. for a while it would be my safe haven, my shelter. I walked up the steps clutching my seemingly weightless bags in one hand, unlocking the door with the other. As I stepped in I noticed it was furnished with normal looking chairs and one large couch. It all screamed human and it was wonderful. I didnt need anything reminding me of the monster I am. Thats why I choose this town, Its rainy weather andsmall population would be like a new start for me. My house had few windows so no light could be let in and no one would suspect anything if the weather just happened to stay cloudy. I walked around my new home and inspected everything, from the sparkling kitchen counter to the soft black carpeting in my bedroom. It was perfect, nd for the firtst time in my undead life I felt like everything was going to be ok.

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After I quickly unpacked and made sure I looked nice enough I got back in my car and began the journey to my new personal hell, Forks high-school. no doubt it would be a great school, but after a few graduations it gets bland and useless. My tires splashed through puddles and a few times I accidentaly sprayed someone, ok so I never do things accidentaly but it was still fun. I kept my windows rolled up all the way just in case some sunshine hit my skin, I didnt exactly want to light up like a disco ball when I just moved in. The roads were smooth enough, but I hit a few potwholes along the way, I tried to avoid them but I was going very fast. Im a high speed type of girl, and there is no limit that can stop me. I parked next to an old red truck but froze as soon as I opened my door. Vampire. I could smell the sweetness in the air. I could tell there were about five of them, but one of the trails stood out the most. It was hauntingly familiar and I didnt understand why.

My scenses sped up and if I had a heart it would be racing, what were five vampires doing in a school full of humans? It seemed very suspicious and my mind was in override. What if they dont welcome me with open arms? what if they are planning on eating the entire school? oh god. oh god. oh god.

If vampires could have panic attacks I would seriously be freaking out right now. But I knew I could take them, after all I've been through it would take an army to stop me. I straightned my leather jacket and smoother out my black tank top. This was going to be one hell of a day. My hair blew slightly in the wend, but most of it was up in a loose bun and under a b;ack beanie. I feel like dealing with all the questions about my hair the first day of school. My Monster sneakers scraped across the ground as I made my way to the front door as slowly as possible, going to school as not on my imediate to do list. I stood straight and exhaleda large breath of air as I pushed the doors open easily. The hallways were baren and everyone must have been in class. The office was not to far from the entrance and I got there rather quickly. The lady at the front desk looked nice enough and I cleared my throat to get her attention, snapping her away from the file cabnet. she turned around, startled for a moment, before hurrying over towards me.

"You must be Elizabeth Masen, correct?" If you're wondering, yes. I did change my name so that I could always feel connected to Edward, I knew I would never see him again and I lost many of my memories from my human life. His name and the ring on my left hand were all I had left.

****"Yes Ma'am, though I prefer If you call me Liz, It seems much less formal no?" My voice came out as smooth as bells and a charming smirk was etched into my slink, she seemed in a daze for a moment before commenting about my eyes, which was very nerve wracking because she explained how they are the same golden color of the cullen family. The name seemed familliar at the time and my body tensed up in recognition.

"The Cullens?" I forced a tight lipped smile and gave her a questioning glance. Her reply was what really set me off

"Oh, yes, , his wife, and his adopted children" My mind was blank and for a moment I could feel the anger swelling inside of me. But I couldnt remember were I heard the name before, it was driving me handed me my schedual and explained that I needed to get the paper signed by every teacher at the end of class and then return it to her. I nodded my thanks and searched the school for my locker, The bell had already rung when I finally found it, and I quickly put my books away and went to my first class of the day, but sense I did come in late all I had was lunch, and then History. Talk about an exciting first day right? My pace was fast and people stared at me, I could here them murmering about another Cullen and could feel the jealousy practically oozing off of the girls.

Finally I got to the lunch room and smelled the vampires again, They all looked up as soon as I entered the room and I let my gaze fall on the last one to look up, A startled gasp falling from my mouth and vemon swelling in my eyes. it was Edward, my beautiful Edward was still alive, but the look in his eyes told me he didnt recognize me and if I had a heart I would probably feel it break at that exact moment.

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**ok! The second chapter is up! How was it? I dont know why but I feel like Im rushing things, should I have had a class first and have one of the Cullens recognize her last name? **

**~Viv Elaine**


	3. DrCullen

**Hey! Big thanks to everyone who commented, I'm going to try to update often but school is starting for me in a few weeks sooo.. yeah. anyways, I don't own anything twilight or twilight related except my oc. **

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****I once thought that the worst day of my life was when Edward died, but now I know it was when he came back. I was happy at first, when I walked into the cafeteria and saw him, but then I saw her. She was kind of lanky, with dark brown hair and an emotionless expression on her face. But I could literally feel the connection between them, the love that was supposed to be mine. I guess I can't really complain though, he didn't even remember me. The look on his face was something between confusion and defense - he probably though I was going to eat his poor little human, and when they all looked up at me most of the vampires seemed surprised, but not one of them. The shortest one, she was the shortest one and had a very pixie like look to her. Her hair was short but it suited her well and her whole aura shouted friendly. But the look on her face was sad, almost pitying. I must have looked pathetic, My eyes open wide and my jaw to the floor, because I was getting a lot of weird looks from the kids around me.

There were five of them at the table, excluding the human. One I knew to be Edward, sitting to his left was the human and beside her was a woman who could only be described as beautiful. Her shoulders were covered by the arm of of an extremely buff guy who looked like he could take on a bear with his hands tied behind his back. The small pixie girl was next, she was with a boy with crazy looking hair and his stone-like face was scrunched as if he had just seen the love of his life with someone else. Right away I knew he was an empath because he was staring right into my eyes with a look of understanding. I wasn't paying any attention to my surroundings, only focused on that one table. Instead of torture myself any longer I gave my tray to the nearest person and walked out of the room, and then out of the school. Maybe I would go out of the country, I dont know. Anywhere but here would be fine. I froze when I heard footsteps approaching me, they couldn't belong to any human because they were to light and graceful, it had to be one of the vampires. One of the Cullens. I decided it was one of the girls because the burley man would have made more noise, the empath wouldn't have been so graceful or light, and Edward didnt smell like sugar and strawberries. It was either the supermodel or the pixie, My bet was the pixie because judging by the hateful look on the other ones face, I doubted she would ever come after me.

She stopped about ten feet behind me and for a moment everything was silent and it all soaked in. I couldn't help it, I broke down. My knees hit the asphalt leaving dents in the ground and my eyes were full of venomous tears that would never fall again. My emotions were all over the place and I felt the wind pick up around me. No, no no no. Not again. I would not let my stupid feeling destroy another town. I felt two thin arms wrap around me and heard her muttering words of sympathy and she kept telling me it would be all right, but I knew it wouldnt. Nothing ever goes right for me. I shrugged her off of me and got to my feet, turning around to introduce myself as composed as I could manage.

"Elizabeth Masen" My voice was shaky from all the pent-up emotion but my hand was steady as could be when I reached out to shake hers. Her voice was just as airy as her step and she sounded like an angel, her grip was tight and her strength showed that she was very powerful.

"Alice Cullen"

The name sparked a memory in my head, but I couldnt quite remember everything. I do remember the name from somewhere. I closed my eyes and tried to get A glimpse of a face or at least the rest of the name when it came to me. That son of a bitch. I could feel the golden color of my eyes change to black as the anger hit me with such a force I couldnt control it. Alice tried to calm me down but at that point nothing would work, and she seemed to realize it. her face turned blank for a minute and her eyes looked spaced out, when she snapped out of it she grabbed my arm and took off. we were flying past the trees and dodging fallen branches at the speed of light. small twigs slapped my face but I could feel anything. Her hand suddenly let go of my arm as we reached a stunning house with many windows and the over all effect was breathtaking. That is, untill I smelled another scent that seemed very familiar. I wasnt sure but I had an idea as to whom it was. It didnt seem fresh, so I knew he wasnt in the home, but it reeked of hospital all over the house. we walked up the white porch and she led me inside without giving me a chance to question why she had basically kidnapped me, walking away with her cell phone already dialled. It had already began to rain and my anger wasnt helping, soon there was lightning and thunder so loud it shook the entire building. I tried to focus and suppress my rage but nothing was working, I was standing in the house of the man who took my Edward and changed him into a monster. The man who led me to belive the love of my life was dead. I'm not sure how long I was out of it but my attention was pulled to the sound of a car racing up the drive way and that familiar scent getting closer and closer. Without any warning I slammed the door open and ran as fast as I could, my hair blowing around me like a wild storm. I got to the car whilst it was still driving and slammed my fist into the hood, forcing it to stop. The man driving looked frightened and surprised. good. He should be frightened.

"Get out of the car DR. Cullen" I could hear the spite in my voice and he quickly did as he was instructed. His fear vanished and was replaced with sorrow and recognition. He opened his mouth to say something but I stopped him by holding a hand up. his lips sealed into a tight line and I snarled at him, baring my teeth in anger. He flinched back but didn't look as if he was going to defend himself. So, while I wanted so bad to rip him to shreds I didn't, it wasn't right to do that to someone who wouldn't fight back, no matter how much they deserved it. I only shook my head slowly and ran in the opposite direction going back to my house, to pack so I could leave again. I always thought it would be great to see Edward again, to have him back in my life. It isn't.

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**Sorry for the short chapter, tell me if you guys want them longer and Ill start combining some of the chapters so things wont be so split up.**

**~Viv Elaine**


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